A Heart's Journey
by Delectable Sweetness
Summary: He lived for the hustle and bustle of the big city. This was the place that knew his life, inside and out. It was the city where he had trained to be a Police Officer and then had later made Detective. It was the concrete jungle where dreams came true, where love was lost and sometimes found. It was the city where the love of his life had told him that she was getting married.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order SVU or any of its characters. They belong to Dick Wolf. No copy infringement intended. However, I do own my own writing, my own characters, and the plot to this story, Delectable Sweetness©.**

**Author's Note: So, this is just a little something that I've had on my mind for a bit and decided to write it down and give it a go. Hope you like it. *_***

A Heart's Journey

"_I'm getting married!" She exclaimed._

"_Y-your… what?" He stuttered in disbelief as he reached out to steady himself, his hand gripping the back of the chair with extreme force._

"_Getting married," she said once again, grinning._

"_I-I don't… know what… to say," he shook his head slightly._

"_How about congratulations?" She looked at him expectantly._

"_I… congratulations…" he looked at her, plastering on a fake and forced smile._

Fin stood outside of the grand Church, the building a dull contrast compared to the bright, blue sky. The light breeze swirled around him, causing the ends of his jacket to toss slightly. He tugged on the ends, stilling them once again before shoving his hands into his trousers pockets.

He tilted his head towards the cloudless sky, taking in a lungful of the polluted Manhattan air. Horns and sirens surrounded him, the smell of fumes and the humming of car engines filling his lungs and ears. This is what he loved – the simple and complicatedness that was New York City.

This was why he lived here. He lived for the hustle and bustle of the big city. To him, no other place could compare. This was the place that knew the ups and downs of his life, inside and out. It was the city where he had trained to be a Police Officer and then had later made Detective.

It was the concrete jungle where dreams came true, where love was found and then sometimes lost. It was the buildings that he had entered on many occasions, some good, some not so good.

It was the city where the love of his life had told him that she was getting married.

He sighed!

Why did life have to be so hard?

That was the question Odafin Tutuola had asked a thousand times, and he had yet to receive an answer.

Was it wrong for him to be in love with her? Was it wrong for him to just want to hold her close for the rest of his life?

"_Are you sure you want me doing this with you?" He asked curiously from the other side of the changing room door._

_The door cracked open a fraction and she peered out, those perfect brown eyes just boring into him. "I know it's not really customary for a guy to help with these kind of things, but you're my best-friend and I can't think of anyone else I would want to share these moments with," she gave him that innocent, genuine smile that he often found hard to say no to._

_He gave her a smile, the best he could muster up. "Good enough for me…" he murmured._

_He sat back down on the red, plush couch as he waited for her to come out of the dressing room. He sighed as he began fiddling with his fingers. He wasn't sure what to do. It was killing him just being here with her._

"_So, what do you think?" She asked him smiling, bringing him out of his thoughts. She turned to look at the mirror at the end of the short, but fancy hall that was just outside of the dressing rooms._

_He looked at her, his breath catching in his throat as he let his hazel eyes run up and down her perfect form. The white gown accentuated everything in such a perfect way. She looked like a Queen._

_She was a Queen!_

_The Queen of his heart!_

"_You look… amazing… perfect…" he softly murmured._

_She turned back to face him and gave him a dazzling smile. Moving to stand in front of him, she gripped his hand in her slim one and pulled him up, wrapping him up in her warm embrace. He wrapped his arms around her, relishing in her nearness to him. He breathed in her intoxicating scent for what would probably be one of his last times._

_She would be a different woman in three months._

"_Thank you," she whispered._

_He didn't say anything, just nodded._

The loud ringing of the Church bell brought him out of his thoughts. Bringing his gaze back to the old building, he sucked in a shaky breath. The cool air swirled around his lungs before he let it out again.

Biting his lip – a habit he had picked up from her – he began walking up the steps towards the Church. Each step he took felt like it was taking an eternity for his foot to reach, the weight of each shoe coming down like a ton of bricks.

This was possibly one of the worst days of his life!

He knew he should be happy for her, happy about the fact that she had found a good guy who loved her and wanted to marry her. But how could he? She wasn't marrying the perfect guy because the perfect guy was him. It sounded arrogant, but he could never picture himself with anyone but her, so in his mind he was the perfect guy for her because she was the perfect woman for him.

Her long, brown curls… her brown eyes… her milk chocolate skin were just some of the things he found so beautiful about her. She was the most amazing, kind-hearted, and beautiful woman he had ever known. No other female compared to his goddess. He frowned. But she wasn't his goddess, was she? She was somebody else's.

Fin felt his heart constrict in his chest as he reached the final step. He was about to step through the doors where he would be forced to watch the woman he had loved for so long be married to someone else, someone who wasn't him.

"_Why does picking flowers have to be so hard?" She whined as she leaned down to smell another bunch of colourful flowers._

_He shrugged his shoulders as he watched her. Her brown curls fell down over her shoulders and framed her angelic face perfectly. "Maybe you would have preferred, Matthew," he said simply, trying to not let the bitterness show through._

_She turned her head and gave him a small smile. "He had to work. Besides," she straightened up, "you're more fun," she grinned as she linked her arm with his._

_He couldn't help the small smile that tugged at the corner of his lips. He liked it when she touched him. _

_Even if it was just an innocent action, he would take what he could get._

Fin stood at the back of the Church for a moment, his hazel eyes scanning the area. Every seat was filled with someone from either the Bride's side or the Groom's side. White flowers and ribbons donned the sides of the benches, making it look so beautiful. A red carpet went straight from the entrance all the way up to the, alter where Matthew, the Groom, was standing.

He scowled as he let his eyes settle on the man who was stealing the only woman he had ever loved away! He had a big, stupid grin on his face as he talked and laughed to the best-men.

Sighing, he looked to the only empty bench beside him and sat down on it. He felt tears come to his eyes as he looked down at his feet. He was supposed to be sitting up with her family. She had asked him to and he had agreed, but now he found himself not being able to do it. He couldn't watch her give her life to someone else. He couldn't face the fact that she was no longer going to be Melinda Warner, but Melinda Peterson.

She should be Melinda Tutuola!

God, why did he have to wait so long to tell her how he truly felt about her?

"_So, how was your hen-night?" He asked curiously._

_She giggled. "Boring," she laughed some more as she stumbled her way into his apartment._

"_You're drunk," he muttered as he closed the door behind her. His breath caught in his throat and his heart stopped beating when he felt her arms slip around his waist from behind. She rested her head against his back, and he couldn't deny the fact that he loved it. _

_Reaching out a slightly shaky hand, he locked the door and turned around, looking at her. She still had her arms wrapped around him and she was grinning. "I love you, Fin," she smiled, and he was about to say something when she continued. "You're my best-friend. I don't know what I would do without you," she whispered, but then giggled as she rested her head against his chest._

_Fin closed his eyes as he felt his heart being crushed. He rested his hand against her back before pulling her away from him. Hooking his arm around her shoulders, he led her over towards the couch and sat her down. Walking out into the kitchen, he pulled a glass down out of the cupboard and filled it with cold water, walking back out into the living room. He walked over to Melinda and sat down beside her, handing her the glass of clear liquid. "You sound like you had a boring time," he muttered sarcastically._

_He watched as she took a delicate sip of the cold beverage before kicking off her black pumps. He sat back on his couch when Melinda lay down, resting her head in his lap. "It wasn't as much fun without you," she mumbled._

_He gently combed his fingers through her thick curls, smiling a little as she closed her eyes. They wouldn't get to do this anymore._

_No more late night visits. No more sleepovers and movie nights in or out. It had already begun to happen. She would come over less and less. The only time that they ever really saw each other properly now was at work._

_He bit his lip. He was losing his best-friend._

He stood when he heard the music beginning to play. He tried to keep the tears out of his eyes and put on a brave face. He knew that she would see him. No matter how much he loved her, he didn't want to ruin her wedding day. It was the day she had been looking forward to for the last six months.

He looked at her as she began walking down the aisle. The look in her eyes when she saw that he was sitting at the back was one of hurt. He averted his gaze from her for a moment, but when he looked back, she gave him a sympathetic smile. He scowled. He didn't want her sympathy. He wanted her to be his!

A tear rolled down his cheek as he watched her continue walking up the long stretch of aisle.

Could he do this?

Could he really watch her pledge her undying love to another man?

He didn't think he could.

Everything about this day, this moment was just too hard to bear.

"_I can't do this anymore!" He exclaimed as he threw his pen down and stood up from his seat._

_Melinda looked up at him, a confused expression crossing her angelic features. "What do you mean, Fin?" She asked curiously, frowning as she stood up, too._

_Fin sighed as he looked at her. He took a step closer to her and gripped her slender hands in his big ones. "I love you, Melinda... I love you so God damn much, it hurts!" He exclaimed. Melinda just looked at him before pulling her hands away. That hurt! _

"_What?" She asked, frowning slightly._

"_I said… I love you," he repeated, whispering._

_She looked at him for a moment, her confused expression turning to one of anger. Now, it was his turn to frown. That had not been the reaction he had been hoping for. "Why do you have to ruin my one chance at being happy?" She asked loudly, glaring at him._

"_Why can't you be happy with me?" He questioned, hurt filling his voice._

_Melinda gasped. "I…" he watched as she turned around and picked up her jacket and purse._

_His heart shattered into a million pieces as she walked out of his apartment, never looking back._

He came out of his thoughts when he heard the priest ask one of the most important questions of the ceremony. "Matthew, will you take, Melinda to be your lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"

He watched as Matthew gave Melinda a beaming smile. "I do," he said softly.

The priest finally turned to Melinda. "Melinda, will you take, Matthew to be your lawful wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"

Not being able to handle hearing her answer, he quietly stepped out of his seat and walked out of the Church. He swiped at his cheek as a single, hot tear rolled down it. It seemed to burn his skin as he flashed back to another moment that had left him broken hearted.

"_Fin, I'm going to marry, Matthew… and I would love for you to be there," she spoke softly to him, reaching her hand out to place it on his knee. He sighed when she stopped what she was doing and brought her hand back to herself. "We can start over… forget about what happened," she pleaded softly._

_He looked at her, staring into her pleading brown eyes. "I don't know whether I can do that," he admitted honestly._

"_Fin, I know you probably hate me right now, and I know it's selfish of me to be asking this of you, but please?" She begged. "You're my best-friend, and… it's been two weeks since… that… and I just want to go back to the way things used to be," she whispered._

_Fin looked at her, wanting to give a smart retort. Things couldn't go back to the way they used to be because he would still be in love with her! Nothing between them was ever going to be the same again, and that killed him, but he couldn't help his feelings. "Things can't go back to the way they used to be," he mumbled, turning his head away from her. _

_She sniffled. "I… understand," she whispered as she stood up. He watched out of the corner of his eye as she began walking over towards the front door._

_He sighed, not being able to see her so upset. "Melinda?" He called._

_She turned and looked at him. "Yes?" She asked hopeful._

"_I'll be there," he said simply._

_She gave him a small smile. "Thank you," she whispered before walking out of his home._

He slammed the door of his apartment shut and leaned against it. The tears were now spilling down his cheeks. Fin barely remembered the drive back to his apartment, he had been in a daze that much. His thoughts and memories were constantly attacking him today, never leaving him a lone to have just one moment's peace.

Growling, he kicked the heel of his foot against the door in anger. He sniffled, letting himself feel nothing but raw emotion for just one moment… one moment of clarity… one moment of reality… one moment of pure torture. He hated himself for letting his emotions get the best of him. He was supposed to be a tough, badass, not a soft, blubbering wimp! He had never cried over a woman before, not even his ex-wife, so why was Melinda so different?

Because she wasn't just any woman. She was Melinda Warner. She was the definition of perfect. To him she was a goddess. A damn fine one! She deserved to be treated like a Queen and nothing less.

Dragging the back his hand across his eyes, he tried to wipe way his shameful tears. There was no point in crying now. She was gone. It was over and done with. He was never going to have her, no matter how much he wanted her.

Moving away from the door, he walked across his living room towards the hall. Walking down the hallway, he pushed open his room door and walked into it, stripping off his fancy attire as he made his way towards his bed.

When he was down to his boxers, he pulled his NYPD shirt off of the end of his bed and threw it on, along with his grey tracksuit.

Sighing a little, he bent down and picked up his clothes, smiling a little at the fact that if Melinda had been here, she would have killed him for just throwing his good suit on the ground. He walked into his bathroom and threw the clothes in the hamper, something she told him never to do, but he didn't actually care if it got ruined or not.

He came out of his thoughts when he heard someone pounding against his apartment door. Walking out of his room and down the hall into the living room, he padded his way across the expensive carpet towards the banging noise. When he reached the door, he looked through the peephole and frowned.

Grasping the handle, he pulled open the door. "Melinda, what are you doing here?" He asked curiously as he let his eyes roam over her, taking in the white gown that she was still wearing.

She pressed her hands against his chest and shoved him back. She walked into his apartment and slammed the door behind her. "I hate you!" She exclaimed. She pushed him again, causing him to stumble back slightly. "I hate you… I hate you… I hate you!" She yelled hysterically as she pounded her fists against his chest. "How could you walk out of my wedding you stupid son-of-a-bitch?" She screamed, still hitting him. She looked up at him, the tears now streaming down her face.

He looked at her, glaring slightly. He gripped her shoulders, stilling her movements. "What did you expect me to do? Sit there and watch you give yourself away to another man?" He yelled back. He was furious and hurt. She knew how he felt about her. How could she expect him to sit through her wedding? He had tried, but he just hadn't been able to do it. "It was too hard," he choked.

"I…" Melinda buried her face in her hands and began sobbing.

Feeling his heart break for the thousandth time, he pulled the woman in white to his chest and wrapped his arms securely around her. He rested his cheek against the top of her head, the veil she was wearing brushing against his skin. "Why are you here, Melinda?" He asked softly. "Shouldn't you be off celebrating your marriage to, Matthew?" He asked, but his voice had a hint of bitterness in it.

"I didn't… marry… him," she mumbled into his chest, still sobbing.

Fin's hazel eyes went wide. "What?" He asked shocked, pushing Melinda away from him slightly, so he could look at her.

Her tearful brown orbs looked at him. "I didn't marry him… I couldn't," she whispered as the tears still streamed down her cheeks.

"W-why?" He frowned. He was sad that his best-friend, the woman he loved was hurting, but on the inside he couldn't help but dance for joy because she hadn't married Matthew. She had said no.

"Because… seeing you walk out those doors… made me realise, just how much… I really do love you," she said softly. A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips.

"I thought you loved, Matthew," he said, still sounding confused. This couldn't be happening. It all had to be a dream, right?

"I love you more," she whispered passionately.

Doing something that he thought he would never do, he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers, enjoying the feel of her warms lips against his. "Really?" He asked against her mouth.

She nodded. "Really," she mumbled before capturing his lips with her own.

Fin let his tongue flick out and trace her upper lip, begging for access, which she willingly gave. Their tongues collided and thrust against one another, twisting together in a heated embrace. He slowed the kiss down into a slow, passionate one, his tongue exploring her mouth freely. Melinda moaned into his mouth as he deepened the kiss, and he thought it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard.

When the need for air became too great, they reluctantly broke the kiss, groaning. Laughing a little, he picked Melinda up and spun her around, causing her to giggle. "I love you," he said when he stopped spinning her.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and gave him a grin. "I know."

"More than life itself," he clarified. "I promise to tell you that every day for the rest of our lives," he said softly. He looked at her for a moment. "I-I don't want… you to… regret this," he admitted a little sheepishly.

"I won't ever regret this," she whispered passionately as she crushed her lips against his once again.

Fin smiled against her mouth and held onto her tighter.

He felt like he was in heaven.

**Author's Note: So, what did you think? Was it any good? Were the flashback scenes confusing? **

**Review please. *_* xxx**


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